Narcissism and Toxic Peeps

imagesOver the years I had noticed many narcissistic traits in my good friend, but at the time I was not aware of the term “narcissism”. I could only take comfort in the confused notion that I was being punished for the sins of my youth, and that in suffering, we will all mature and become wise adults.

My friend has a wonderful and charming public persona and is extremely sociable. She organises many events and likes to go out regularly. People who do not know my friend very well usually have great admiration and think how lucky I am to know such a wonderful person.

Within some time, she then developed a habit of having episodes of seemingly uncontrollable rage, and I had still not fully understood what triggered these attacks. The doctor prescribed the cause as a lack of estrogen, but the irrational episodes did not subside and from what I hear, continues to this day. She started more and more to scream at only those close to her, often for very minor misdemeanours. She began forever complaining of feeling exhausted and ‘stressed out’.

I really do think that the narcissist is the principal sufferer but it has to be said that it is definitely not pleasant living with one. These people are toxic.

All in all I am tempted to say that narcissists deserve to stew in their own rancour but I have to remind myself that they themselves are often suffering, and are trying to cover up their low self-esteem.

Having read a little about narcissism I realised that there are many people in my predicament. There is a saying that a problem shared is a problem solved but, like me, there are very few people that they can share this particular problem with others.

It has taken a long long time, but I have learnt that the only way to win with a toxic person, is not to play.

And until you accept that fact, you’re anybody’s sucker. All it will take is one bloated accusation, one lie, or one insinuation about you, and you’ll forever be the toxic person’s most treasured source of satisfying fun and games. If you don’t know how to leave the bait alone and find another, quieter, more indirect route back toward being left alone, you never will be.

Abusive people know that as long as they can set and keep their hooks in you, you are stuck being there for them to use and abuse – to feed on. When they want to, abusive people will say and do whatever it takes to keep you glued painfully to them and their world, because if you are stuck to them, they will always have you handy for whatever emotionally abusive purpose they want.

Toxic-RelationshipsYou may need to cut contact altogether if you are in an entrenched personal relationship, and if so, you may get hoovered and manipulated into staying connected. This is often easily done by deliberately upsetting you so much that the urge to call or contact them just to have your say will be intense, because the lies or other distortions being propagated are so hurtful. Don’t fall for it. Just ignore the whole thing, walk away and wipe your hands. There is no winning such battles. The greatest reward is freedom from the toxicity, which only comes with your non-involvement.

The sooner you do, the sooner it will start to become quiet, which, given certain toxic types, can take long enough without additional delays being thrown in. Don’t tell yourself you have to reply — learn to recognize your refusal to respond for what it really is — a sign that it will be over as quickly as possible because you knew how to ignore drama-baiting and send the toxic person looking for a better target.

So when you find yourself invited into an ugly tug-of-war with a toxic person, simply drop the rope immediately, walk away and LEAVE IT BE FOREVER. Because the simple fact of the matter is, toxic people can’t have a tug-of-war with you if there’s nobody holding on at the other end.

Mental as …

20130405-224403.jpgWell folks, here’s the image of a potential cocktail of death lollies which in a momentary lapse of judgement or sanity could be extremely dangerous.

‘Stilnox’ was suspected as the possible cause of death for our infamous thespian joker, Heath Ledger. I liked Heath a lot, such a sudden and early loss to the Australian Acting Industry and to his family.

Oh, and guess what? I have a packet of these candies in my medicine cabinet. I can take these at my leisure to assist with my troubling insomnia. Meanwhile, I tether and try to cope with my depression, I have to muster the strength not to self diagnose with too much Stilnox, which can be tempting during my dark moments.

Go figure? I take Zoloft for the depression, and if that doesn’t work, I can chew my troubles away with Stilnox. I have decided to stop taking Stilnox as I completely lost one day this week. Ziltch, zero, nothing … I have no memory nor recollection from Tuesday noon till Wednesday night.

Funny thing is that I experienced what they refer to as a side effect to the drug … ‘sleep walking’ … and of all places I gravitated to the local train station, watched trains, and somehow ended back home after 10pm on Tuesday. Brad offered me this insight the next day because he said I explained how I went bush walking and eventually sat down to keep watch on the timetable. I can’t remember a damn thing, except the trains, and I thought it was a dream. Everything else is a total blank. I actually woke up in a daze on Wednesday, believing it was still Tuesday. Gotta laugh, … yup, gotta laugh, now.

Not sure how I navigated my way across 6 lanes of road to get where I was heading to, and back safely? Perhaps there was a carnage, flaming cars, and wreckage left in my wake, … I just don’t know.

Last night, I set the iPad on YouTube and searched for a variety of ‘Meditation for Insomnia’ results. I played 3 different meditations, each one giving me about an hour of sleep in between each one. I’m sure I’ll find one that will set me to a deeper more lengthy slumber … one night … one night soon.

On a final note, anyone seen the movie, Silver Lining Playbook? I totally relate to it, it was well directed and absolutely brilliant. The girl was in ‘Hunger Games’ and I’m sure everyone knows Bradley Cooper.

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Love Hurts. Click here to watch the trailer!

Cancer Update

Holiday I’ve been forgetful of late and have failed to give you all an update of my progress on the Cancer front.

[Insert the virtual drum roll, a touch of harp, and a tingle or two on the triangle].

My PSA results levelled in December last year, after 2 consecutive drops over 9 months, which brings the count to just above the thin red line. This is ecstatic news especially since I honestly thought I was sitting in the transit lounge for the death-bus (or the upgraded burning Viking ship).

I recall the oncologist telling me the great news, but he didnt want me to over react just in case… the nature of Cancer is such that it can bounce back up again at anytime. But the longer it levels out or continues on this downward trend, it gives me hope.

On another positive note, I treated myself to a weeks holiday last week after working over the Christmas and New Years holidays. It was relaxing, groovy, fabulous and “everything” positively good.

Before I sign off today, I’d like to thank everyone who supported me and remained close while I had journeyed through this dark tunnel. The light is indeed within sight. I couldn’t hope to scratch the surface of gratitude to those who listened to my fears, to those who kept in contact despite my rantings about nothing reasonable nor sensible, to those who saw me cry, to those who kept me at a distance when all I wanted to do was thump someone or anyone, to those who offered positive words or just smiled.

Thank you!

Oh, and I forgive those who unknowingly made insensitive comments, … gotta laugh, it’s funny now!

Worlds Best Present

20121226-162459.jpg This is what a beautiful six year old girl gets you for Christmas. An exercise book with 8 FREE pages, so I can write a little bit more of my own story. I guess this is a reflection of what is important and rich in her own life. She loves to write stories and believes everyone around her does the same.

You have to dig the multiple coloured Post-It Notes, a symbol of high organisational skills. Was she trying to say I need it, or that this supply would compliment my existing inventory?

I put Google to the test this morning and found this quaint Scottish Restaurant over at West Ryde this morning. I didn’t order a lot of brekkie type food, only savoured a coffee and moved on.

Book Club

20121201-163941.jpg I’ve infiltrated the secret society of book readers, and successfully passed the ritual rights of passage (paddles, tar and feathers). I am now a fully fledged member of literary giants. They call it a ‘book club’, I think it’s a secret poet society thing.

After about six months, it’s now my turn to choose a book to appease the savagery lust of these eye candy seekers. That’s where the pic image to the left comes into play.

Admittedly, my ploy was unravelling because I had struggled in the earlier assigned books to read anything in its entirety, so I chose a book that had less than 200 pages, and as a bonus, there was a DVD. I got both from Amazon for £19.

I CAN read a book with less than 200 pages within 2 months …. I hope!

Flight to the long white cloud

20121126-064559.jpg I’m sitting at Row 13 Seat B, which means I’m positioned in that unenviable place having a body on both sides of me. My elbows uncomfortably nudge my temporary neighbours, and it becomes a silent battle of wills as to who secures the arm rests which I consider to be prime real estate on this long journey. in fact, I only win this battle only because of my early push at the gate and I maintained pole position right up until the point my bladder calls and I had to go to the toilet 25 mins into the flight.

Damn blaady bladder, who invented these organs anyway … I never got to taste the spoils of the arm rests for the duration of the flight after that.

Anyway, I urge everyone to see the film titled, “Beasts of the Southern Wild”. If you watch it in the right frame of mind, you can be assured to cry while two grown men are sitting next to you.

Here’s a film review, please click on it (it won’t make you pregnant):
Click here

One advantage sitting at seat 13B on a 737, is that it’s a an emergency exit row. This gives immediate access to the outside world if the plane makes an unexpected stop other than the tarmac. Plus it gives you that extra leg space. The downside …. the seat doesn’t lean back, I guess you’re expected to always be awake and alert when the plane spirals down into the ocean.

Whhhheeeeeeeeeee!

Niue Night

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I sent a probe into my brain last Thursday, and the surge of brilliance encouraged me to get a flight to Auckland to visit my sister and brother. My appetite for self sabotage wasn’t balanced at all, and I needed to seek some refuge to get myself into calmer waters.

The picture I took over the weekend is from a Niuean Festival I attended on my sisters invitation. It was a simple envelope, scribbled with a message from the Niuean Elderly women who attended. On it, it says, that I was awarded $20 for being a good dancer, and because they didn’t know my name, they referred to me as the ‘man with the white shirt’.

I’m sure this is how Michael Jackson felt when he was much much younger.

I’m back in Sydney and the weather is no different to Auckland. The Rugby was a disappointing draw.