Naked Nerdy Calendar

The mention of the Calendar a couple of days ago has taken a life of it’s own evolving from the innocent puppy idea into a giganormous mammoth. The most touching thing to come from all this banter was that the proceeds (if any) would go towards Cancer Research. It was also declared that a signature on my own picture should create a frenzy and be good for sales.

By the way does anyone know where I can borrow a firemans’ hat, pants, some cool stick-on tattoos and an axe, don’t worry about the top.

Before I forget, it was pointed out in an earlier post that my reference to the long gone days of a digital examination to detect Prostate Cancer does not involve fingers (plural), … I meant ‘finger’, as in singular, preferably with trimmed nails and gloved and “NO”, there was no hidden meaning nor was I boasting about anything.

I’ll shortly be on my way to a Psychiatrist, it’s like paying for a friend who’ll listen to you rattle on and on about anything. Every now and then they’ll interject and apply some well versed words to steer your thought processes into more peaceful waters. Don’t knock it (like I use to), because when things go crazy upstairs you’ll need one of these persons to chew some straw with … and I love straw.

Black is my favourite colour today. Not to describe my mood or anything dark, but all the other light that illuminates around it appears brighter and I’m enjoying this.

Adios potato’s

Transformer …

In eight months I have lost 20 kilo’s and around 12cm’s off the belt-line. My height remains the same. The downside to all this is the copuous amount of money I’ve spent on clothes to accommodate the new measurements thinking I was stabilising at the new sizes. The local charity bins are thankful. I think I’ve now reached a point where things have plateaued. Thank goodness, otherwise I would have had another medical condition to contend with, “anorexia”.

I’m now just waiting for some punk to approach me and try it on in a dark alley, … because with my newfound photographic memory I’ll be able to provide an accurate description of the offender for my mates to hunt down.

I’ve also been attending the local gym up the road in a bid to tone this new body, and it’s looking good. At least thats what the mirror says. I wonder if I can publish my own calendar now? Do I provocatively swing the computer mouse around? Do I position the keyboard so it suggestively arouses the female readers? The options are endless.

It’s been a good day today particularly following the news yesterday of my blood tests. If I can bottle this sensation and take a whiff of it another day, I would.

I also received one very thoughtful text today from someone who said that my rantings had increased their awareness about Prostate Cancer.

It would be remiss of me not to mention to the male readers, that a simple blood test is all it takes. The doctors don’t stick their fingers up your bum these days, … although I did succumb to this when my doctor asked if I was alright with it.

Needless to say my answer was “yes”. My doctor was a woman.

13 weeks …

The test results were fantastic, at least this is my personal assessment. The PSA results increased by a small amount and for those who do not know what PSA means … it’s the yard stick doctors use to determine how much cancer is floating in your blood stream. It’s like counting how many goals your favourite sports person has achieved. The number might be static in some weeks, while in other weeks it may increase. My cancer is like that, it will never go away, but it will rest abit and offer me some reprieve, and then it will rise again.

For the past 6 months, my PSA had been doubling, and at that rate it was projected to reach the heavens taking me along for the ride at the same time.

I’m of course ignoring the oncologists’ response at the time he delivered this information. He made a remark at how the figure was suspicious, and I’m not sure whether I was meant to hear that. I’m hoping he meant “goodness me, I didn’t expect this result and although it’s hard to believe, this young man is on his way to full recovery”.

And so, all in all, the results today tell me that I’m ok, and I should live life well for another 3 months before the next test. So lock up your daughters … I’m thinking I could go out and ‘partay’ tonight, …

… but I’m too tired.

Secret Coffee Powers

I barely slept a good part of an hour last night. I had decided to cut back on one nights dosage of ‘Stilnox’. For the uninitiated, these are sleeping pills. Ordinarily, my description of this pill would suffice and end here, but I have it on good source that ‘Stilnox’ has been linked to hallucinations, short term memory loss and unexplained sleep walking. All of which I’m eagerly waiting to experience so I can report back to everyone if it is indeed true.

So for the greater part of today, I walked around as a zombie. My visual senses were active, I responded to my surrounding stimuli but I think my internal GPS was faulty. The voices in my head just lead me blindly from one activity to another with no planned purpose.

Today, I overheard someone confess they did not like wearing pants, I also enjoyed a coffee and had a brief but nourishing conversation with someone who also felt a yearning to chat. I learnt that the human spirit is attracted to all things good and positive.

My son Brad reminded me that although events in his life may not always come to fruition and that it can be sometimes frustrating, his experiences shared can be a learning block for someone else.

It’s now late and I’m going to have another shot at sleeping. Where are you ‘Stilnox’? Come to daddy!

Can I fight it?

Of all that is written, I love only what a person has written with his own blood.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I watched the nurse take another two vials of blood yesterday from my arm, wondering if my abstinance from drugs has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. The needle seems to slide through to my vein with so much ease these days, I barely feel a pinch at all. Am I a closet druggie?

Actually, talking about probes I must have elluded the bad aliens a couple of days ago, because I think I’m walking ok and without discomfort. At least no one has asked whether I’ve recently spent the week riding a horse. Either that, or I’m attuned to the probe as much as I’m now use to the blood tests. Where exactly does all this blood go to after they do their testing, because if I was to learn anything at all, Twilight movies show that vampires do exist. I’m now presented with a paradox, do I reveal to the world my newfound revelation and risk the future of the nations blood banks, or do I keep quiet and let humanity plod along as we are now.

Ignorance is bliss.

I find out next Tuesday whether my body has found the strength to allay the cancer growth, or whether by misfortune or bad luck the cells have mutated to parasitic status.  I no longer believe in those cartoons that show that the good guys always wins.

Why is it Dark?

This year I will turn 50, heading steadily closer into the realms of dimentia and uncontrolled bodily functions. Making a nuisance of myself, and forever asking people to repeat themselves and generally being grumpy. I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer in 2009, what most refer to as an old man’s disease, however this view is progressively changing as more younger men are inflicted at an earlier age.

I consider myself one of these ‘younger men’.

I have undergone Radical Prostatectomy (and there’s nothing radical about this procedure, other than the Prostate Gland being surgically removed). I’ve also had Radiotherapy everyday for 6 weeks. This latter session did not make my urine bright green nor grant me any super human powers.

Today is a low day for me. In fact most days are neatly classified into good or bad one’s now. Two months ago, my doctor prescribed anti-depressant pills. I did find this a little difficult to swallow, but have come to understand that anxiety and depression are indeed ‘real’ and ‘crippling’ symptoms. On days like these, I feel quite content to disappear into the void of non-existence. And at times, call on those elusive aliens to beam me up into their space craft and take me away. Mental note: avoid the anal probe.